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May 13, 2009
Welcome to the real world
"We have to talk," the doctor said, stonefaced.
It's always those words, no matter the context, where you just know a serious bomb is about to be dropped.
I'd found myself in the emergency room of Brackenridge Hospital in Austin last week because my abdomen was aching. I'd played a demanding tennis match the weekend before and felt like I'd pulled a muscle in my abdomen, but the pain wore off several days later. So I went through a rigorous fitness training Thursday to stretch and loosen my body (and mind, I suppose) but the next morning my stomach felt like it had been punched hard. Plus, I was drenched in an unfamiliar cold sweat at 7 a.m.
Dude, go to the emergency room, the smart part of my brain told the clueless part that avoids doctors and the medical system.
After several hours and numerous fondlings by various doctors checking for hernia or a red-lining appendix, and having had my first CT scan (it's like being inserted into the middle of a giant Krispy Kreme donut, sans glaze waterfall) the attending ER physician came into my curtained-off room and dropped his word bombs.
"You have cancer."
I could tell he was trying hard to keep his composure.
Gulp.
Well, I tried to swallow. The next moment was like a movie scene where I saw myself standing in a doorway as the walls around me wobbled then melted. It was the doorway between certainty and uncertainty. Dream-world and eye-poking reality. Patient and everyone else. Maybe even life and death. It was a Matrix moment for sure and not what I expected.
Then I had to remember to breathe.
"You have renal cell carcinoma, and it has produced a grapefruit-sized tumor on your right kidney," the doctor said. "We need to take care of this as soon as possible."
Like the majority of people with a cancerous, funked-up kidney and no obvious symptoms, mine was discovered accidentally. Perhaps the difficult body stretches I did the day before upset the tumorous squatter enough to pull the fire alarm of cold sweats. Nonetheless, that day in the ER was an early beginning to a very weird week, but I'm lucky and grateful to have family and friends who immediately volunteered to become my support system while I keep waiting to wake up from this dream.
The prognosis? So far, it's good. My capable surgeon, Dr. David Phillips, himself a high-level tennis player, which made me like him immediately, will evict this tumor, this cancer, this hobbit, along with my entire kidney, on Friday. He says indications are it's confined to the one kidney, and I should be strong enough in 4-6 weeks to work, work out and have a nice, productive life being a one-kidney man. I never thought I'd be glad to say I have two kidneys in case one of them freaks out.
So there you go. If I make only sporadic appearances for awhile, you'll know why.
Other blogs that reference Welcome to the real world:
Crossing my fingers!
Sorry for having not enogh english to say, what I feel and wish. Hope that You understand it anyway.
Whoa.....wasn't sure where this was going at first and I sure didn't think it was going to end up where it did.
Thoughts, prayers and lots of good vibes headed your way.
Wishing you strength and patience while going through this. Take it easy for a while, Ben, we'll be here when you get back :)
Long time reader,
Vero
Like Vero, I am long time reader. News such as yours is always a shock but the prognosis is good and you will be on the court in no time. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Looking forward to your distinctly Ben-like written version of the journey ahead. Sending you good vibes, too.
Wow that was a shock to me, let alone what it would have been to you. best wishes for a successful surgery and a quick recovery.
My prayers and good wishes go out to you Ben for a speedy recovery
Best wishes for a speedy recovery from a longtime lurker!
Ben,
I know you'll have a speedy recovery and you'll be back in the game in no time. Until then, rest up and I'll send my thoughts and prayers down south.
Ben,
I know you'll have a speedy recovery and you'll be back in the game in no time. Until then, rest up and I'll send my thoughts and prayers down south.
Sending my best wishes and much strength for a full and speedy recovery!
I wish you a speedy recovery, Ben! Keep your spirits up, and please let us know updates whenever you can.
best of luck & best wishes for a full & speedy recovery
Hang in there Ben. I'm glad to hear you caught it sooner, rather than later. Best wishes for full and a quick recovery.
Ben, hang in there - and best of luck in your fight against cancer.
All the best Ben. Will see you at your very best soon. Take Care!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery. You're in my prayers.
Wishing for your fast and speedy recovery. Take care!
Dang Ben, this is tough man! Glad you're a fighter because YOU WILL MAKE IT!
The world is pulling for you, and you're going to make it GREAT!
Best wishes for a fast and full recovery!
Hi Ben best of luck and we will be here when you get back mate.
whoa! thanks for sharing. praying for a fast and full recovery quickly
Thanks for all of the thoughts and well wishes. They mean a lot.
Ben, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Jeanne
Ben, as a regular reader and as a person whose mother has recently been diagnosed with cancer, and is coming through the other side, my best wishes are with you and your family.
All the best, Ben. As a longtime reader i am very sad to read such bad news. Wish you a quick recovery!
Ben!
All the very best for your op, and for a successful recovery afterwards.
Rooting for you from the other side of the Pond,
Adam
Sorry to hear this. Best of luck on a fast and full recovery!
Ben - I will be lifting you up in prayer... praying for healing - physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
Blessings,
Michael
Wow Ben. That's great that they caught it and that you have a good prognosis. Praying for a full and speedy recovery.
Ben,
We're with you all the way. You and your family will be in our prayers.
Must have been shocking to say the least. I always enjoy reading your posts and will continue to stay tuned. Good luck and speedy recovery.
You can beat it like a bad, dirty rug, Ben!
We'll add yo to our prayer list and expect nothing but the best for you and out of you.
Hey. I wish you the very best. Love reading your stuff. Get better!
Ben-you are a total bad-ass. Thank you for making me laugh and cry all from one blog entry. I'm sorry the waterfall of icing was missing from your day.
We're here for you!
Thoughts and prayers coming from Houston...
I have been reading your blog for a while and always look forward to it. My organization is used to me passing on your link in an effort to spread the message. I will now spread this newest message so we can all send strength and encouragement. May your recovery be quick and painless!!
Short time reader, but liking what you have been writing in the past. Would have loved not to read this post, if it meant that your kidney was not under cancer attack. But now that's the situation, I will let you know how much I respect you being so open about it.
All the best and the wish of a speedy recovery.
Kudos to you for maintaining your sense of humor in what has to be one of the more significant moments in your life. I wish you nothing but the best!!!
Ben so sorry to hear this, but incredibly relieved that your prognosis for recovery is good. Sending positive thoughts your way and feel free to contact me if you need anything!
Ben, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Looking forward to your next series of posts how you kicked its butt and you're back on track.
Ben-
Wishing you all the best. I'm sure that you'll handle this like a champ and we'll be able to play some tennis the next time I'm in Austin.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Neal
Hi Ben - Thank you so much for sharing this with the many people who love you. You're going to be so full of stories after all this. So go kick some cancer butt and take names. We'll all be here when you're back to 110%. Thinking of you.
Jeannie
Every dragon guards a gift. I look forward to to seeing you claim it - and even more to seeing you share it with us when you come out on the other side of this trial. We'll all be here waiting for it. My very best wishes to you and yours Ben.
ben, i was going to send u guys a pie and invite u to the cafe. i just reading yawl's blog & stuff!!! ....not sure if u can eat it now.or for a while. royers round top cafe pies have great healing properties. i guess ur visitors can enjoy it along with ur nurses!!!
bless, bud the pieman!!!
Ben, I am so sorry for the diagnosis but know that you and your capable docs will kick cancer's butt. I'm thankful it was caught and the prognosis is good. Praying for you and sending loads of good thoughts your way.
Not sure what to say that has not already been said. Suffice it to say that there is a very large group of people pulling for your speedy recovery.
Ditto to all the above. Heal well and get on the court again soon!
Ben, it sounds like you are in good hands. Having seen this numerous times, I know that having a supportive circle of family and friends are worth their weight in gold. Beyond that circle, you'll find organizations like the American Cancer Society. I see you've already visited our Web site. If you need additional resources or information, you can contact them at 800-227-2345 24/7. Their resources are free of charge.
Good luck!
Glenn
Ben! Speedy and full recovery. Joining all the good wishes above, and I know I speak for many many others. Looking forward to reading your blog in decades to come
Emanuel
Hi Ben, sad to hear about your predicament - Here in denmark we ar thinking about you and hoping all goes well... BE Strong!
Thomas
Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery from this (hopefully) temporary inconvenience.
I haven't been reading your blog for too long now, but I have become a faithful reader.
Wising you all the best!
Ben....this is tough news to take. God bless you during this time!
Sending much love and light your way, Ben
Hoping for the best outcome.
Attitude is everything (as is keeping a sense of humor) and you seem to get that!
Thoughts and prayers are with you. I am a cancer survivor, so I know the road ahead is tough, but I know you have what it takss and I wish you all the best.
PS Don't forget the metamucil :-)
We are praying for you Ben. So glad God made us with two kidneys.
Bert
@BertDecker
Big hug and best wishes!
holy crap. you are in my thoughts. please accept my wishes for a fast and full recovery.
Ben,
Not sure at to say except I'll be thinking of you. I can't imagine what a scary time this must be. Really glad the prognosis is good, but still must be nerve wracking. So, you'll be in my prayers for sure. In the meantime, since I'm in Austin quite often, if I can be of help in any way please just say the word.
Hang in there friend.
Hi Ben! Best of luck! I'm a recent survivor of Renal Cell Carcinoma (just had it removed 2mos ago), and will be sending good vibes your way!
Ben,
Been through something similar with my partner recently. Keeping everything crossed for you that it's all fine and dandy in six weeks. In the meantime, chin up.
JR xx
Ben, best wishes for a speedy recovery. Sending good positive thoughts your way.
Darrin
Be strong and of good courage man. It shall be well, and you will get thru this!
Ben, you just got bumped to the top of my prayer list. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help while you're going through surgery and recovery.
Ben - best wished for what I'm sure will be a speedy recovery. Hard to say anything that hasn't been said already, but know that you're in a lot of people's thoughts and prayers. Get well soon.
Ben,
My thoughts are with you. This is a survivable cancer and you will beat it. Who needs two kidneys anyway? The fact that you are in great shape will make a difference in your recovery. Even better for that is support of friends and family. And you've got all that. To a speedy recovery.
Ben,
Admittedly, I do not know you that well, but this social media world we live in makes me feel like I go because I glean so much insight from your writing hear at Church of Customer. I wish you all the best in your upcoming battle. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Ryan
Hey, here from @MackCollier and @Armano.
Thinking of you and sending you wishes for a swift journey through the unknown.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you a speedy recovery and a long and joyous cancer-free life.
Sending good thoughts and vibes your way. Don't worry--the surgery will go perfectly and your recovery will be swift.
There's really no words to make things okay, so just know that the blogosphere is sending lots of good thoughts and wishes your way. Hope things go well.
I'm very touched by all of the offers of well wishes, good vibes and prayers, and I'm glad some have shared their own stories and the stories of a family member who's had to face the big C. I never thought I'd have to, given that no one in my family has. I suppose none of us are immune to having our lives changed suddenly, no matter how hard we work at saying healthy and happy.
@Mike -- I can't remember the last time I beat a bad, dirty rug but that sounds like fun.
@April -- That's one of the best compliments ever. You so rock.
@Kay -- Love to hear that. Thanks.
Niels -- It's weird and uncomfortable writing about it publicly but if it opens up a vein of knowledge for some (pardon the pun), then it's worth it to me
@Bianca -- Thanks! The more I make fun of the situation, the better it feels!
@Mack -- Thanks very much. You continue to show us and the thousands of people you're connected with that you're a man with a big, big heart.
Jim -- I'm hoping it's just a few posts!
Neal -- Not being on the court for the past week has sucked, but I'm looking forward to seeing you out there.
Jeannie -- Sounds like a plan.
Tony -- I'll do my best, Macbook-sword in hand!
Bud -- Coincidentally, I love pie more than most other foods. And to think I'm in the midst of a fluids-only diet at the moment. Arrgh.
Karen -- Many thanks!
Glenn -- Cancer.org has been a terrific resource. Please pass along my thanks and appreciation to the team there.
Emanuel -- You were there when we first set out in this business, and you're here now. You're truly a great, great guy.
Jer -- Didn't know that about you! Glad you've persevered and thrived. (And I could never forget how you loves the Metamucil!)
Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to everyone. I'm off to tie up 100 loose ends before they slice me open like a fresh cantaloupe.
Hey, Ben, like all the others here I'm rooting for you to get thru this quickly and painlessly. I haven't been following you, but am going to read some of your past posts as you clearly have an important voice. And you dealt with telling the news in a public place in such an honest way. So all the best wishes from a stranger.
Good luck with the surgery and best wishes for a quick recovery and full remission.
Ben...
...though I don't know you, count on my prayers
...I hope to read about a tennis match on July 4!
...Wes
ben, I just know that you're going to be fine. At the same time- will say a special prayer as backup. Luck on Friday and looking forward to hearing (and reading) all about your speedy recovery-
Ben –
As a cancer survivor, my best advice is decide what type of patient you will be: 1. either learn everything there is to know and be able to finish docs sentences and if necessary question and push the system -or - 2. do not overly read the net and/or get caught-up in the maze of options. Simply find one doc who you trust and make him/her your "general contractor" and hub of health care wheel. Most people fall in these two camps and neither is right or wrong, completly depends on your personality, but good to know which one you are and then stick with it.
Also Lance Armstrong Foundation provides wonderful consultative resources for free. Learn more here: http://bit.ly/eW1zW
Livestrong. Thoughts and prayers your way.
Ben,
I'm not clever enough to have anything original to say. I thank you for sharing your story, for being so open and for just being a great guy. I will be thinking of you as you go through this. We will take good care of Jackie and make sure she has plenty of cake balls. Much love, Lisa
Ben,
I am with you, guy!!! You have EVERYTHING going for you on this....great doc, you are in excellent shape, and legions of "Ben fans" sending up prayers! You'll come thru this with flying colors!
Here's to a speedy recovery, JILL
Best of luck Ben! You're in my thoughts and prayers
Ben, Best of luck and God speed on your recovery. May you serve, volley and compete in many many more tennis matches. I am sure you will.
Ben, we're thinking of you! Hang in there and stay positive.
Ben - sending lots of good wishes your way.
Ben - will be sending great thoughts and wishes your way!
It's not "just what you got but how you hold it... with us surrounding you.
You have a world of us friends out there - many of whom have also heard those life-changing words. You are independent, active, male and many other valuable things Ben - so now's the time for another piece of hard advice:
• keep talking your truth about what is happening
• ask for help when you need it
Remember you two created a "church" - a motley mix of us congregants so now is the time to stay in the strength of what you created..... much you have to do alone -
but not all
Oh Ben!! I am so sorry to hear this. Look at all these wonderful comments; you sure have touched a lot of people... prayers are heading your way, sir. You have my virtual hug and positive happy thoughts coming your way.
Ben - My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kevin :)
Hi Ben, God works in mysterious ways - good thing you went in to take care of it. Hugs and positive thoughts for you! From a fellow tennis fan!
:) Beth
Ben,
So sorry to hear about medical troubles, but so glad to hear your prognosis is so awesome!! As a fellow avid tennis player, I know it will be hard to stay off the courts, but hope you're back to your game very soon!!
Ben,
I hate to hear about the diagnosis, but am overjoyed by the prognosis! Please take care and don't worry about the natives here. We may get a little restless, but we'll find something to do with ourselves until you're back in the saddle.
My best to you, Ben. I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm glad to hear the prognosis. I'm thinking of you and Jackie.
You will be in my thoughts....do what the docs tell you to do...talk with you soon.
I happened to read your posting and felt compelled to write. I have a family member who was diagnosed with the same type of cancer 9 years ago, had the kidney removed right away, and has done very well ever since. Your tumor is a bit larger but it sounds like you've received the same advice--to get the kidney out immediately, which is good. I don't think all doctors give this advice, and that some try to save the kidney. But you can live fine with just one--you just end up drinking a little less all the time. . . .I hope you have similar good fortune with the removal--it seems to have done the trick so far in my family member's case.
A 31 year old friend from college was diagnosed this fall with kidney cancer that was apparently too far advanced to contain, and she had a rough battle for the two months she fought the illness. I don't think she was so fortunate to be able to remove the tumor with the kidney right away--I think it had spread. She took some experimental medicines, but none helped. I think you are starting off at a better point--getting it found and removed while it is still contained.
I wish you the very best. Take care.
Hi Ben,
Please look for Steve Dunn's Cancer Guide online for excellent info. on renal cell carcinoma. Also, check out Acor's kidney-onc list - several hundred patients/
survivors/caregivers with a WEALTH of information. With this disease, you must arm yourself with the best info. E-mail me if you need links. Best of luck to you!
I'm sending you prayers, Ben. Know that you've got a lot of fans in your corner. Stay strong. This, too, shall pass.
Good luck on a speedy recovery.
I wish you all the best, thank God they found it!
Get better soon!
Dr. Letitia Wright
The Wright Place TV Show
http://wrightplacetv.com
www.twitter.com/drwright1
HI Ben-I share the sentiments of your fan club here-all the best for a speedy recovery-certain the Austin heat will be better than the winds and cool temps of Chicago...be well my friend!
Jeff
All best wishes from a Spanish reader... Be back soon with good news!!
As a regular reader of this blog, I wish you the best. I hope it all goes well :)
