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May 13, 2009
Welcome to the real world
"We have to talk," the doctor said, stonefaced.
It's always those words, no matter the context, where you just know a serious bomb is about to be dropped.
I'd found myself in the emergency room of Brackenridge Hospital in Austin last week because my abdomen was aching. I'd played a demanding tennis match the weekend before and felt like I'd pulled a muscle in my abdomen, but the pain wore off several days later. So I went through a rigorous fitness training Thursday to stretch and loosen my body (and mind, I suppose) but the next morning my stomach felt like it had been punched hard. Plus, I was drenched in an unfamiliar cold sweat at 7 a.m.
Dude, go to the emergency room, the smart part of my brain told the clueless part that avoids doctors and the medical system.
After several hours and numerous fondlings by various doctors checking for hernia or a red-lining appendix, and having had my first CT scan (it's like being inserted into the middle of a giant Krispy Kreme donut, sans glaze waterfall) the attending ER physician came into my curtained-off room and dropped his word bombs.
"You have cancer."
I could tell he was trying hard to keep his composure.
Gulp.
Well, I tried to swallow. The next moment was like a movie scene where I saw myself standing in a doorway as the walls around me wobbled then melted. It was the doorway between certainty and uncertainty. Dream-world and eye-poking reality. Patient and everyone else. Maybe even life and death. It was a Matrix moment for sure and not what I expected.
Then I had to remember to breathe.
"You have renal cell carcinoma, and it has produced a grapefruit-sized tumor on your right kidney," the doctor said. "We need to take care of this as soon as possible."
Like the majority of people with a cancerous, funked-up kidney and no obvious symptoms, mine was discovered accidentally. Perhaps the difficult body stretches I did the day before upset the tumorous squatter enough to pull the fire alarm of cold sweats. Nonetheless, that day in the ER was an early beginning to a very weird week, but I'm lucky and grateful to have family and friends who immediately volunteered to become my support system while I keep waiting to wake up from this dream.
The prognosis? So far, it's good. My capable surgeon, Dr. David Phillips, himself a high-level tennis player, which made me like him immediately, will evict this tumor, this cancer, this hobbit, along with my entire kidney, on Friday. He says indications are it's confined to the one kidney, and I should be strong enough in 4-6 weeks to work, work out and have a nice, productive life being a one-kidney man. I never thought I'd be glad to say I have two kidneys in case one of them freaks out.
So there you go. If I make only sporadic appearances for awhile, you'll know why.
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Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery from this (hopefully) temporary inconvenience.
I haven't been reading your blog for too long now, but I have become a faithful reader.
Wising you all the best!
Ben....this is tough news to take. God bless you during this time!
Sending much love and light your way, Ben
Hoping for the best outcome.
Attitude is everything (as is keeping a sense of humor) and you seem to get that!
Thoughts and prayers are with you. I am a cancer survivor, so I know the road ahead is tough, but I know you have what it takss and I wish you all the best.
PS Don't forget the metamucil :-)
We are praying for you Ben. So glad God made us with two kidneys.
Bert
@BertDecker
Big hug and best wishes!
holy crap. you are in my thoughts. please accept my wishes for a fast and full recovery.
Ben,
Not sure at to say except I'll be thinking of you. I can't imagine what a scary time this must be. Really glad the prognosis is good, but still must be nerve wracking. So, you'll be in my prayers for sure. In the meantime, since I'm in Austin quite often, if I can be of help in any way please just say the word.
Hang in there friend.
Hi Ben! Best of luck! I'm a recent survivor of Renal Cell Carcinoma (just had it removed 2mos ago), and will be sending good vibes your way!
Ben,
Been through something similar with my partner recently. Keeping everything crossed for you that it's all fine and dandy in six weeks. In the meantime, chin up.
JR xx
Ben, best wishes for a speedy recovery. Sending good positive thoughts your way.
Darrin
Be strong and of good courage man. It shall be well, and you will get thru this!
Ben, you just got bumped to the top of my prayer list. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help while you're going through surgery and recovery.
Ben - best wished for what I'm sure will be a speedy recovery. Hard to say anything that hasn't been said already, but know that you're in a lot of people's thoughts and prayers. Get well soon.
Ben,
My thoughts are with you. This is a survivable cancer and you will beat it. Who needs two kidneys anyway? The fact that you are in great shape will make a difference in your recovery. Even better for that is support of friends and family. And you've got all that. To a speedy recovery.
Ben,
Admittedly, I do not know you that well, but this social media world we live in makes me feel like I go because I glean so much insight from your writing hear at Church of Customer. I wish you all the best in your upcoming battle. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Ryan
Hey, here from @MackCollier and @Armano.
Thinking of you and sending you wishes for a swift journey through the unknown.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you a speedy recovery and a long and joyous cancer-free life.
Sending good thoughts and vibes your way. Don't worry--the surgery will go perfectly and your recovery will be swift.
There's really no words to make things okay, so just know that the blogosphere is sending lots of good thoughts and wishes your way. Hope things go well.
I'm very touched by all of the offers of well wishes, good vibes and prayers, and I'm glad some have shared their own stories and the stories of a family member who's had to face the big C. I never thought I'd have to, given that no one in my family has. I suppose none of us are immune to having our lives changed suddenly, no matter how hard we work at saying healthy and happy.
@Mike -- I can't remember the last time I beat a bad, dirty rug but that sounds like fun.
@April -- That's one of the best compliments ever. You so rock.
@Kay -- Love to hear that. Thanks.
Niels -- It's weird and uncomfortable writing about it publicly but if it opens up a vein of knowledge for some (pardon the pun), then it's worth it to me
@Bianca -- Thanks! The more I make fun of the situation, the better it feels!
@Mack -- Thanks very much. You continue to show us and the thousands of people you're connected with that you're a man with a big, big heart.
Jim -- I'm hoping it's just a few posts!
Neal -- Not being on the court for the past week has sucked, but I'm looking forward to seeing you out there.
Jeannie -- Sounds like a plan.
Tony -- I'll do my best, Macbook-sword in hand!
Bud -- Coincidentally, I love pie more than most other foods. And to think I'm in the midst of a fluids-only diet at the moment. Arrgh.
Karen -- Many thanks!
Glenn -- Cancer.org has been a terrific resource. Please pass along my thanks and appreciation to the team there.
Emanuel -- You were there when we first set out in this business, and you're here now. You're truly a great, great guy.
Jer -- Didn't know that about you! Glad you've persevered and thrived. (And I could never forget how you loves the Metamucil!)
Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to everyone. I'm off to tie up 100 loose ends before they slice me open like a fresh cantaloupe.
Hey, Ben, like all the others here I'm rooting for you to get thru this quickly and painlessly. I haven't been following you, but am going to read some of your past posts as you clearly have an important voice. And you dealt with telling the news in a public place in such an honest way. So all the best wishes from a stranger.
Good luck with the surgery and best wishes for a quick recovery and full remission.
Ben...
...though I don't know you, count on my prayers
...I hope to read about a tennis match on July 4!
...Wes
